#Breakup; Getting Over An Old Love
In my practice we often deal with matters of the heart; breakups, affairs, grief and loss. In dealing with a breakup, therapists don't give advice but rather encourage our clients to use their skills to cope with the loss of a love. When someone's heart is broken they often have difficulty recognizing their own value and what they have contributed to the relationship in the first place. Many clients see only what they have done wrong in the relationship and some desperately try to win their ex back which further pushes them away.
If you are meant to reconnect with this great love, you need to make some holistic changes. You must identify your strengths within the relationship and what you contribute to a relationship in a positive way. The goal in the beginning of your relationship breakup is to renew your sense of self-worth and improve your overall self-esteem. No one can love someone who does not first love themselves. Look at the value that you bring to others and how that value translates into a relationship.
Your next step is to identify areas of need and what went wrong in order for the breakup to have happened in the first place. Sometimes we think we are ready to be a in a relationship but we have much work on ourselves which needs to be done. Self-assessment and evaluation allows you to look internally at how you can be a better you for YOU. Suggested exercises include spending time with yourself through journaling, prayer, meditation, exercise, learning something new, volunteering, counseling and spending time with others that encourage and motivate you. If you find yourself spending time with significant others in your life that exhaust you, evaluate that relationship and find out why you choose to spend time with others that drain you.
Breakups provide motivation for change; without this crisis we stay in a stagnant state; we do not grow or change if we are not motivated. In trying to attract the love of a lifetime, you need to BE the love of a lifetime. Demonstrate those attributes you want to see in a relationship, these attributes are as different and unique as the individuals on this planet.
Tone may value freedom and fun while Toby values stability and religion. These values can be in conflict with each other in some senses and the process of evaluation focuses on how to make this conflict work together.
Getting over an old love is not easy but being ready for a new love is the best remedy of all.