Bullying and Mental Health
Bullying or rites of passage? Every generation has its rites of passage. The coming-of-age story is a universal experience. It marks part of our voyage in this lifetime. Coming-of-age rituals transform us from girls to women or boys to men. They help us to form a bond as part of a team or family. Rites of passage symbolize the transition and bonding within communities. We need rituals and rites of passage. When does ritual become bullying? Is it bullying to force and encourage a system of beliefs across generations that happens to align itself across gender lines?
Consider a case in Sayreville, NJ, where senior high school football team members systematically and historically used “hazing” as a rite of passage for younger members to prove their allegiance and loyalty to the team. It is alleged that multiple football players across seasons used physical punishment, illicit substances, and “bully behavior” to coerce and control younger team members.
One of the essential elements of bullying behavior is the imbalance of power in the relationship. In this case, older members are taking advantage of younger and more vulnerable players.
Does Bullying Happen to Everyone?
Some may say that hazing and bullying are rites of passage for football players in high school and college life. This writer can certainly understand how easy it is to dismiss these behaviors in adolescents and young adults as they test their boundaries. Developmentally, youth need to test boundaries to learn how to find “safe places.”
We see bullying and hazing at the football field, in high school, and in college life; we also see bullies rear their ugly heads in gang life as they recruit new initiates, in work life as they indoctrinate new employees, and even in kindergarten when new kids are forced to leave the playground (yes, that actually does happen).
Responsibility to Extinguish Bullying from Our Culture
What can we do about bullying as parents and elders in our communities and homes? Pay attention, ask questions, and go deeper. You are your child’s first life of defense in keeping things balanced in our world. As parents, we need to pay attention to our children’s body language and behavior. Are they sleeping more or less? Are they excited to go to practice and school? Do your children isolate? Are there new people in their lives? Do you know who their friends are and what they do today? Are you at practice and games to see what is going on and who they are associated with? Do you know trauma when you see it?
Bullying, Sports, and Our Community
And let us not forget the broader community. What is their/our responsibility? And what of compassion? Are we so callous as a society that we are quick to dismiss the pain and suffering of others so that we can go back to “business as usual”? How do we respond when it is “someone else’s child”? When we recognize the human experience’s interconnectedness, we realize that it may be someone else’s problem today, but tomorrow it will be our problem. We live in a time where children who are bullied become bullies and harm others via school shootings and “bullycides.”
So, let us talk to our kids and figure out what is happening in their lives. Open-ended questions asked daily will lead you to the rich internal world of your child so that you can help THEM address issues before they become problems. When children feel safe, empowered, and affirmed, they become their best selves.
Don’t you feel that the children in your life deserve to be their best?
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