Why Self-Care?
Self-care is the cornerstone; it is the practice of filling your cup before you tend to the needs of another. Self-care shapes our emotional well-being and guides us toward our fullest potential. Self-care says to your internal self that you are worth it. It’s a fundamental truth that therapists learn early: to extend compassion and care to others, we must first ensure that our own cup is full. Self-care is far from a mere indulgence; it is the bedrock upon which we build a life of balance, resilience, and authenticity.
Self-care is one of the first things that most therapists teach at the beginning of our work with a new client. Caring for ourselves is at the root of many of the emotional issues that manifest in our daily lives. Lack of self-care shows up in our resentment of those who have taken too much. We see our need for self-preservation in our fear that we are not good enough. Specifically, our work on reinforcing boundaries demonstrates that the greatest love is self-love, and we can only manifest our true purpose when we take our time to do the work on ourselves.
Political Warfare
Caring for ourselves means engaging in healthy behaviors and relationships that set the tone for our lives. It is a conversation with your inner self that you are worth it! Audre Lord teaches us that “self-care is an act of political warfare” in which we intentionally choose to preserve the self.
We live in stressful times and must arm ourselves with the tools to fight for our freedom and future. We are building our future selves as we live in the present, so why not build consciously? After 20+ years of teaching self-care, I wanted a simple model that I could share that people would get intuitively. The HBS Self-Care Square has only four points that we can visualize and keep in our pockets.
The Four Points of Self-Care
Point One – Conscious Intention: choosing to recognize self-care as a meaningful and necessary part of our lives.
Point Two – The Check-In: practicing a daily method of connection with ourselves to see the level of our needs and gain insight into what we need to do to renew ourselves.
Point Three – The Self-Care Plan: Develop continuous strategies to replenish our reserves and consistently move us into our best selves.
Point Four – Defending the Bank; learning new ways to defend our boundaries and allocate our resources appropriately.
How to Care for Self
For many of us, self-care is a vague concept that conjures images of manicures and bath bombs. Unquestionably, self-care is serious work that is as basic as food and water. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs teaches us that we need to build our foundation to get to our best selves. The HBS Self-Care Square teaches us to build and feed our foundation daily.
Self-Care in the Office
This week, I had a great session with a young woman who is a mother, daughter, partner, and career woman. She is myself and all my sisters and brothers trying to contribute towards humanity while still nourishing small pockets of love. I want to think of our session as her act of self-care that filled her emotional tank and allowed her to give more and be more. At the end of the day, we developed a plan called 365 days to nourish. It challenged us to actively practice self-care throughout this upcoming year.
Honestly, there are days when that drive-thru is the difference between getting up or staying down. We reminisced on the days of early motherhood, where a shower and clean clothes were our greatest indulgence. Part of our work together means that we release the old messages of guilt and claim our vision for our future. Where we are going takes a great deal of energy, but we will get there “by any means necessary.”
Final Thoughts and The Holistic Store
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