What Suicide Actually Looks Like, and Why That Matters

RIP Mindy, another talented artist and another life lost to suicide. Suicide is a deeply complex, widely misunderstood experience. It crosses every boundary: race, age, gender, culture, socioeconomic status. And it is different for everyone and thus hard to pin down. What does suicide actually look like? It looks like success. It looks like struggle. It looks like joy sitting right next to despair. It looks like someone in your community, someone you love, or the person in the mirror.

We remember names like Kurt, Junior, and Mindy. But suicide touches all of us. It’s a mirror reflecting pain that many people live with daily, often in complete silence. Self-harm and suicidal thoughts aren’t anomalies. They’re part of a broader, quieter epidemic that touches lives everywhere, including places you’d never expect to look. Someone can look like they have everything, and yet inside, they feel nothing.

A Leading Cause of Death, Still

Suicide is currently the 11th leading cause of death in the United States overall, and the second leading cause of death for Americans between the ages of 10 and 34, and even those numbers likely undercount the true total, since many deaths go unreported or misclassified. The weight of this is generational. Mindy died by suicide in 2013, leaving behind two young children. Her story is a heartbreaking reminder that suicide is not an isolated moment for anyone. It sends ripples of trauma across families and generations that follow.

As clinicians, we know family history matters. A family history of suicide raises risk for those who come after. That’s not meant to frighten you. It’s meant to underline why early intervention, open conversation, and compassionate support matter as much as they do. We encourage self-care and intentionally creating supports.

Recognizing the Signs, and the Myths

It’s a common misconception that suicide is always driven by depression. In reality, impulsivity, hopelessness, and an inability to tolerate distress are often more dangerous precursors than depression alone. Mood shifts, especially during seasonal changes or major life transitions, deserve to be taken seriously rather than written off. I also like to watch the effect of daylight savings time.

One more thing worth knowing: exposure to someone else’s self-harm, including through media or a personal network, can create a contagion effect. That’s exactly why recognizing emotional distress early, and acting on it, matters as much as it does.

Therapists monitor risk factors constantly: impulsivity, frustration tolerance, emotional regulation. Family members can do the same, in a simpler way. Ask questions. Notice changes. Show up with empathy instead of certainty. We are all trying to figure it out aren’t we, doing the best we can with what we have.

One Step at a Time: Healing and Hope

The road out of suicidal thoughts is rarely a straight line. Healing happens gradually, in small, sustaining actions: connecting with someone, eating a nourishing meal, sitting outside for ten minutes, speaking to a therapist. The goal is a start, it is not to solve everything at once. It’s to get through today. Just today.

A Collective Responsibility

Suicide prevention is also not only the work of clinicians. It’s a community commitment. We build spaces where people feel seen, supported, and safe by asking the hard questions, offering a listening ear, and letting people know, plainly, that they matter. You don’t need to have all the answers. You just need to help someone find their way to the right support. Or sometimes just saying “Hey, it will be alright is enough.”

Written by Tamara Pommells, LPC, LCADC, ACS. Statistics reviewed and updated against current CDC and NIMH data.