This week was the premiere of Iyanla Vanzant's "Fix My Life" on OWN which featured DMX in a vulnerable position. Vulnerability, sorrow and regret are emotions that the public typically does not associate with rough, rugged, "where my dogs at" DMX. To his wife of many years, he was just "EARL", the love of her life and father of her children.
One of the saddest aspects of fame is the conflict between expressing your calling which results in popularity vs. being consumed by your calling and the public which ultimately causes a breakdown in self-perception and an inability to trust. In the entertainment industry, artists are prone to this "psychic noise" as they express themselves and expose themselves for all the world to see. We thank our celebrities, artists and cultural icons as they make our world a more beautiful place to live and help us to cope with our own pain and angst.
In counseling DMX, Vanzant brings out pieces of DMX's youth which still affect him in the present day and he alludes to this need to take care of others and to act out his pathos for entertainment while "stuffing" down HIS emotional needs which demand to be met. There is a legitimate way to act through negative emotions in your craft but if your genuine needs go unmet and unfilled, we turn to negative coping skills such as gambling, drugs, sex, love, shopping, work. The quest of the therapist is to support the client on this voyage to reconnect with the internal self and to satisfy these needs in a healthy way bringing out a life of fulfillment and joy not a life that leaves broken relationships, broken promises and broken pieces of the self.
Iyanla Vanzant is a powerful motivational speaker and author and she has a natural gift for perception which comes through in her work but one of the things that makes the therapeutic relationship so powerful is the ability to be vulnerable and emotionally intimate with another human being and trust that the healer will act in your best interest always. I wasn't surprised to see that DMX issued a statement negating Ms. Vanzant's work with him.
As the healer/ helper we sometimes push faster than we should due to our own incontinence and lack of patience. As healers we want change now but humans need to change in a way that is authentic for them. As the healer, I go at your speed not my own.
The therapeutic space is different, it can be your truest self come to life with the permission and encouragement to block out and tune in to your true pain, fears and hurts. All the internal things that push us each day but the therapeutic space needs to be sacred or we destroy the trust that we are honor bound to fill. My hope is that in counseling DMX, Ms. Vanzant can start a public conversation about what we really need in our life to feel whole because that is where the healing happens.