Recently, I’ve noticed a common theme in my conversations with people personally and professionally. Arguably, we are not responsible for our lives due to stressors, circumstances, or the involvement of others. It pains me to confront this issue. When we take away our personal responsibility for our choices and their impact, we take away our internal power.
However, there are “contributing factors” to our stories. We lose empathy and hope when we take away our ability to consider the impact of horizontal and vertical stressors on individuals and families and their choices. Consistently, I align with moderation and consideration as a means to the desired end. The goal is the desired end and enjoying that journey; THAT is what we do in therapy.
Finding Balance: The Art of Moderation in Pursuit of Your Passions
Life CAN be a beautiful woven experience of desires and responsibilities, dreams and duties. At times, it may feel like there’s an inner struggle between wanting a free pass to indulge in your passions and the necessity for moderation. Most of us struggle with moderation and self-regulation. We sometimes bring others into our lives with the express purpose of providing that regulation that we so desperately crave. Some of these designated co-regulators are therapists, coaches, valued friends, and intimate partners. Let’s therapeutically explore how we can find balance and build a path to embracing moderation while still pursuing our passions. Using this model, we don’t need a pass to indulge because it all comes together in the middle path.
Understanding the Desire for a Free Pass
We all have things we’re deeply passionate about, whether it’s a creative pursuit, a hobby, or a personal goal. Some of us are crazy about the work that we do, and it can be hard to put it down. The desire for a free pass, an opportunity to immerse yourself completely in what you love, is entirely natural. It can be a break from the daily grind, a chance to express your innermost self, and a source of immense joy. In that “zone,” we are restraint-free, and it feels good. We feel good, and we create good things from that place, but we cannot live there.
The free pass that we are looking for looks like freedom with no responsibility or love without duty. It is human to want freedom, but it is mature to accept that everything in our life has an energy exchange, and the toll must be paid. It is a hallmark of a mature soul when we realize that all our actions and feelings have corresponding consequences.
The Tug-of-War: Passion vs. Responsibility
For many of us, the challenge arises when this desire for a free pass conflicts with our responsibilities, obligations, and the need for moderation. There are only 24 hours in the day, and we have a finite amount of energy. The demands of work, family, and personal well-being often require us to put some limits on our passions. This can create a tug-of-war within us, leading to feelings of guilt or frustration. Therapeutically, it is appropriate to realize that we all struggle with this, and healthy self-talk reinforces the psychological push and pull as we make decisions with our resources daily.
The Art of Moderation
The first step in achieving moderation is to prioritize your responsibilities and passions. Identify what truly matters in your life and allocate time and energy accordingly. We can get clear about our priorities by journalling and working on our values-based thinking. When we are clear internally, it helps to balance and regulate the corresponding pieces of our lives. We can be mindful and intentional about when to say yes and how to say no. We spend months of sessions in therapy working on setting and defending our boundaries and clarifying our guiding principles as a base to return when we feel off course.
Effective time management is the key to balance. Time is one of the few resources that you cannot get back, so use it wisely. Set realistic goals for your passions, allocate specific time slots for them, and honor those commitments. Create a schedule that accommodates both your responsibilities and your passions. This balance makes a clear statement to yourself and others about who you are and what is important to you. We may not always get it right, but we get better at setting and maintaining boundaries around our time when we practice using our time efficiently.
What Can We Do? Boundaries
As noted above, establish boundaries that help you strike a balance in your life. These boundaries might include designating certain days or hours for your passions and respecting your personal and professional commitments. Some of us are careful with our lunch breaks, others are diligent about their weekends, and others defend their holidays well in advance. It is a consistent way of creating joy in your life and feeding your passions in a healthy and sustainable way.
When you’re engaged in your passions, be fully present. Mindfulness allows you to make the most of your free pass moments, making them even more fulfilling and special to you. While you are at it, remember to be gentle with yourself. It’s okay to seek a free pass and indulge in your passions, but also remember that moderation is the key to long-term sustainability. Don’t be too hard on yourself if you occasionally veer off balance. We are looking for progress, not perfection.
The Beautiful Harmony of Moderation
Moderation can sometimes seem like a hindrance to your passions, but it can ultimately lead to greater fulfillment. When you balance your desires with responsibilities, you gain a deeper appreciation for your passions. They become a source of joy, inspiration, and creativity rather than a potential source of stress. While we may crave a free pass to indulge in our passions, moderation is the guiding force that keeps our lives in harmony. Finding that balance and embracing both responsibility and passion is the path to a more fulfilling and meaningful life. It allows us to savor our passions while still fulfilling our duties, and ultimately, we can find excellence through the middle path.
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