Valentine’s day; finding your soul mate?

I LOVE Valentine's day

Valentine’s day has been a special day in my heart since the birth of my second son. My baby boy was born a few hours before St. Valentine’s day; my husband and his brother brought a bouquet of red roses to celebrate his arrival. That valentine's gift, memory and visual reminder help to bring up my vibrations when they are feeling low.

Share love on St. Valentine's day

Share love on St. Valentine's day

Love in all its forms is something that we talk about in my home and office throughout the year. In my small way, I celebrate St. Valentine’s Day, Christmas, Kwanzaa, Memorial Day, Thanksgiving and all the holidays year-round. A considerable part of the work that I do stems from issues with love and building greater love. We talk about how to demonstrate love in a way that our people want to receive it. Clients and I explore finding love and living our passion. We talk about how our love changes and trying to figure that out.

The work of love

Sometimes clients discuss missing out on love or mourning love and what to do to move forward and release that pain. We talk about our loves disappointing us and trying to heal from the hurt and pain. I listen as we talk about protecting our hearts and still hoping to love freely. We talk about our identities as wives, daughters, sons and husbands, parents and lovers. And for me, it all goes back to love.

One of the toughest parts of heart work is helping people that are still looking for their own love. Often, I will hear the term soul mate or twin flame, and I think maybe. In the meantime while that love is making our way to us, we have to keep building our own worth and value for them to recognize us. One of the love strategies that I encourage in my office is “values-based dating.”

Values based dating

Living love on Valentine's day

Living love on Valentine's day

Values-based dating and living is a concept that encourages us to work on our selves and build ourselves to be the best self that we can be. Values-based dating means working on our completion and wholeness rather than waiting for someone to complete us. When we are living life fully and raising our vibration, our internal light shines so brightly that it pulls in others.

So much of therapy work is listening critically for people's values and making sure that their values are in alignment with their actions. You may think that you value family, but your calendar may say that you spend most of your time with your friends or at work. You may feel that you value social justice, but your media consumption and points of contact may have a slight bias. Show me your resources, and I will show you your values.

Values are what you think, but they are also what you do. Your values show who you are. When we are looking for a partner to share our world, we need to be honest about our values and worth that we bring to a relationship.

What can I do?

As a therapist, I can see how much love and the heart (and mind) affect us as in ways that we may not even recognize. I also know how much power we have when we start to pay attention to our hearts, minds, and actions. So on this St. Valentine's Day, let's look for our soul mate inside of our selves after we do our work.

About Tamara Pommells EdS. LPC. LCADC.

Holistic Behavioral Solutions is a community wellness agency, psychotherapy practice and mentoring program in Mercer County, New Jersey which supports individuals, youth and their families as they transition towards a higher level of functioning. Our team of practitioners adhere to a philosophy that values diversity and authenticity and validates the strength and experience of our client base. Services are provided within the community, in office or online for your benefit and convenience. Please call 609-752-3098 for services.
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