A Letter to My Nephew
Nephew, thank you for your Kwanzaa greetings this year. It means so much to me to know that our values are aligned with each other. Today, I light the second candle to honor the principle of Kujichagulia, or self-determination. Kujichagulia is my favorite principle because it means I take responsibility for my life. I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.
As I thought about writing this letter to you, I wanted to open it up and see if it could be of help to anyone else. Writing is my way of processing my thoughts. Like the journal that you write in every day, it is a record of how I have grown and reminded me of how much I need to keep working.
The Teenage Years
I feel excited when I think of where you are in your life. Excited and scared. As a teenager, you are on the cusp of manhood, and that brings so much weight. People are less forgiving, and the pressure to produce seems heavy. There is so much happening as you navigate social relationships. I know you are trying to figure it out, and I want to add some of my thoughts.
I remember your dad at your age. By the time he was fourteen, he had to step forward and fill the shoes of a man. I will always be grateful to your dad for taking care of us when we were younger. Sometimes, it felt as if it was just the three of us stuck on an island.
Having to grow up so quickly changes a person; they don’t laugh as much as they used to. They are always thinking about survival and what is best for the family. Please be patient with him; he is doing the best he can. As you become a man, you will start to see life differently. When you are a boy, your world is filled with wonder. That sense of wonder allows you to see the world as a joyful place. It allows you to play freely.
Worries seem so much smaller when viewed through a child’s eye. I think that is why I still believe. I don’t want to forget that sense of possibility. There is a sense that the world is open and free. I am asking you to keep that little boy inside of you safe. Don’t leave him behind; listen to him every now and then. That little boy represents your purest self. That part of you that is untouched by shame, guilt, and anger.
Making Mistakes
As you move forward into manhood, I guarantee that you will make mistakes. You NEED to make mistakes to grow. There is no way around that. Practice making better mistakes. Learn from the mistakes of others. Give yourself permission to mess up. Laugh at yourself every day. We are really not that important. Throw your anxiety to the wind. Those who are building their lives have little time to criticize. When you see a critic, feel compassion for them. They made a choice to spend their energy tearing down instead of building up. But remember, you are about the business of creating.
When you stand in the silence of nature, reconnect with Mother Earth and feel how small we truly are. When you look out into space, remember that we are small beings on a small planet in a vast universe. We are tiny creatures trying to do big things. Take it one day at a time. It will all work out, it will be ok. Keep pushing forward and finding your joy.
Push forward
Some people may be proud of your intellect which is a gift from the Creator. I am most proud that you have used your natural gift to keep moving forward. You push your mind every day. I see it, and I hear it in our talks, and I am so proud. I am proud of your push. That is self-determination.
To find your talent and use it to create a life that is yours, spend some time in quiet meditation every day. When we pray, we talk to God; when we meditate, the Creator answers. You will find the answers in those quiet moments. You will learn to speak to yourself lovingly and compassionately in those answers. Our inner child is made whole again when we talk to ourselves with love and encouragement.
I know it is time for you to read yourself to sleep. Reading time is also my favorite time of the day. Before you go, take some time to read Invictus. When I feel that I want to give up and cannot keep going, I take a break, and I read this poem. I remember that I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul. I hope it helps you too. Hugs and Love. Aunt Tamara
Invictus
Invictus
By William Ernest Henley
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
